It's okay to not be okay

Our world has been turned upside down in the past month. We have been distanced from those we love most, many are out of work, others are still going in and risking their lives in the process.  We’re worried about loved ones, our futures, our sanity, our health, and I’m sure about a million other things. 

And you know what?

It’s okay to not be okay.

I love all the positivity I’ve been seeing everywhere.  It’s inspiring to watch others make the most of this time, truly.  I have been trying to as well since I personally always try to see the bright side in every situation. But I’ll be the first to admit that there have been times during this quarantine I just haven’t felt okay, and I know I’m not alone. So, if you’re struggling too, know that you’re not alone either.

So much is up in the air right now and a lot of it is completely out of our control. That’s why I’ve been trying to focus more on what I do have power over.  One of the big reasons myself and others I’ve talked to have felt down is because of something we actually control entirely: our own expectations.

We’re so used to being productive. It is engrained in our brains from the time we can talk that we need to be doing something. We’re so trained to go go go that sometimes (at least for me) you feel like if you’re not achieving, you’re failing or falling behind.

But what about right now, when there’s an international pandemic going on? How can we adjust our own expectations to be more understanding, flexible, and kind?

I actually got some inspiration in an unlikely place.  I stumbled upon Miley Cyrus’ live daily Instagram show during quarantine, Bright Minded, where she had guest Demi Lovato on.  

Miley said she’d been focusing on and beating herself up over everything she’s doing wrong, while ignoring all the great things that she’s accomplishing.  I know I am quite guilty of that as well.  If I get done half of things I planned to, instead of celebrating what I have done, I focus on my ever growing to do list.

Miley then talked about shifting her focus to what she IS doing.  So, during quarantine I’ve started a new practice. I write a list before I go to bed with everything I accomplished that day. I include self care and FaceTimes with friends on that list because I feel that taking care of yourself right now and staying in contact with friends and family is absolutely crucial. 

I personally put little boxes and then check them all off because it’s insanely satisfying for me! I also write out my intention + a list of goals for the next day, and I end with five things I’m grateful for. Spoiler alert: Zoe is at the top of that list every. single. day.

So, while I believe that it is completely okay to not be okay (it’s even necessary sometimes), I think it’s important to not get stuck there.  

In addition to my new nightly practice, here is what I do when I’m just not feeling okay.  

I sit with those feelings - I don’t try to escape or judge them.  I allow myself to observe whatever emotions are bubbling up, look for their source, acknowledge them, realize they’re valid, and then try to look at how I can move forward.  Some things I do: reach out to a friend or family, take a long bath, pamper myself with a face mask or paint my nails, write, express myself artistically through drawing or dance/movement, immerse myself in something I love...whatever it is that helps me move forward in some way.  

So, the next time you're feeling down throughout all of this remember, it's okay. Just try to not stay there for too long.